Back up moms.

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The big three in the middle became friends when they were two, and because of their little posse I found one of my favorite people. There’s a rare magic that happens when the moms click, all the kids get along, and ages and parenting styles match up. I’m lucky to have found that magic.

When we moved to Nashville almost six years ago, I thought my friend group would look a certain way. I thought my days would be filled with old friends, but that’s not how life happened. And honestly, I was disappointed. I had dreamed of coming to Nashville and reconnecting with my college girls, and I felt a little lost and rejected. But I knew that finding my people was a critical task, so I kept trying. I said yes to play dates and park meet ups. I volunteered at preschool. I went through the awkward friend-dating moments that precede any good relationship. And in the end, I emerged with a few treasured old friendships and a few amazing new ones, my own ideal motherhood support crew.

Motherhood can be a lonely place. Maybe you’re the first one of your friend group to have a kid and you’re having trouble connecting. Maybe you’ve just moved cities or schools. Maybe you’ve lived in the same place for 15 years but still feel like you’re the only one at the pool without a mom friend.

Please know this—every mom has felt that tinge of loneliness, that nagging feeling that they don’t belong. You are not the only one. But also know this—keep putting yourself out there. Keep having the awkward, broken conversations between saving your respective children from life-threatening danger. Keep plugging away until you find that one mom you connect with, because it is so so worth the time and effort. Mothering is immensely better with a back up crew.

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